18 months of Ezra

That's right this sweet little guy has been on this earth for a whole 18 months!

I know I already posted this picture but it is Ezra's most recent photo so I thought I'd post it again.

Ezra is growing up SO fast! He talks all day long. I'm not saying we understand what he is saying all the time but he sure does have a lot to say! He does say quite a few real words.... now if only I could remember them..... For example he was coloring a picture and I had two makers I asked him "What color is that?" And he said "Purple"......What? I had NO idea he could one say the word purple and two that he recognized it. I asked him the same question about the other marker and he once again surprised me by saying it was green. Singing: He love to sing! Once again he doesn't know all the words but he can keep the tune. Some of his favorite songs are ABC's, the clean up song, twinkle twinkle little star, and any song from the Signing time series. Speaking of Signing time, Ezra is still learning lots of new signs. It is so amazing to listen and watch (through signing) his vocabulary grow! He loves to help: He likes to put things away and throw things in the trash..... we just have to make sure he doesn't trow away non trash items. Dancing man: When we are in the car he sways back and forth, sometimes with quite a bit of force! At home he likes to stomp his feet and march. "NO!" & "STOP!": These are the bad words he has learned :( Of course those are words he hears us say to him so he is just repeating them back. Oh how frustrating it can be to hear these words come out with such force from someone so small!!!! Outside: is Ezra's favorite place to be! He will walk to the door point and say "Outside!?!" I wish it wasn't so hot so we could be outside a little more. Water: Ezra loves water! He will go into the bathroom and say "Bath" He also is a BIG fan of dumping water everywhere. No water bottle or cup is safe with him! Animals: Ezra now says and or signs and makes the sounds for horse, pig, chicken, duck, cat, dog, bird, bear, fish, frog, and ROO (kangaroo) and he also says and signs bug. Food: We still aren't giving Ezra sugar. Even when we do start we will keep it VERY limited. He enjoys the natural sweetness of fruit. Strawberries have been a BIG hit lately. He still has his fresh spinach and carrot juice every morning. He loves peanut butter sandwiches (just peanut butter and bread), cheese, chicken, lasagna, any kind of fruit and he is always trying new things. He is a healthy boy for sure.

We feel so grateful that he is doing well!

*Missing my baby*

My sweet Ezra is 18 months old! Wasn't it just yesterday I was holding him in my arms as a newborn? I have felt very attached to him from the start, before he was born. There was a point in my pregnancy that I injured myself and I was TERRIFIED that I had somehow hurt (killed) him too! I sat awake that night talking to him telling him I love him and saying......asking.....begging him really, to kick so I would know he was ok (I had never felt him move before). Then I felt something.....am I just imagining this because I want it so bad?.....I thought to myself. So I asked if that was him to please kick again. I received three very strong and distinct kicks. He had heard his mother's plea and answered. That was only the beginning, since then I have had many other special experiences with him. He is my first baby, the child I had longed and prayed for.

This has been such a hard time for me because my baby is turning into a big boy! This is ok, in fact it's more then ok it's wonderful that he is not only growing but thriving! The reason why it is so hard on me is because I feel like I am missing his last moments of babyhood. I have not been able to pick him up for a couple of months now. It sounds simple but I miss it tremendously! I can't put him to bed or get him up in the morning, I can't pick him up when he falls, and I can't pick him up when he runs to me. It's been such a long time since I've been able to picked him up that he no longer runs to me. This is good because he understands but it is heartbreaking at the same time. I am glad he has so many other people to love and hold him but it pains me at the same time because it should be ME! I don't have much of a lap for him to sit on and even if I did he is too rough on my belly so I really can't hold him at all anymore. I look forward to the day when I can chase after my little boy again, pick him up and swing him around. Another hard thing is all I hear all day is Mom, Mom, MOM, but hes not taking to me. He is talking to my mom, my sister or Ryan. Sometimes I feel like screaming "I'M YOUR MOM!!!" I have to just lay around while others "mother" my baby. I want so badly to just be mom to him again. Of course I am and will always be his mom but I miss taking care of him! I cherish the small moments of grace. I couple of times he has come into my bed and rested his his head on my shoulder. This only lasted for a minute or so but it made my day! Something else I look forward to is my nighttime kiss. Ryan brings him in and he gives me a kiss and whispers "I you" meaning I love you. I look forward to this all day! I you too Ezra!!!

So next time you want to scream because your child is clinging to your legs or is following you around the house saying "Mom, Mom, MOM!" Take a moment a give them a cuddle or read them a book and remember how lucky you are to have them!